Unless you’re looking for a companion with whom to raise and provide emotional and financial support for future heirs to the surname.

Otherwise, forget about the mythological aspects of ’til death do us part.  The ugly caveat of sex and marriage—an unspecified expiration date—is often overlooked. 

I have yet to fathom why men—particularly those in the upper income bracket who risk losing an sizeable fortune— fail to learn from their previous mistakes.  How many times have we seen scores of  actors and athletes or multitudes of wealthy divorced males embark on their second, third, or even fourth divorce partnership?  You can almost expect the same disastrous results with the offspring suffering the brunt of it.  I offer the number one reason for why my clients seek out the services of a paid companion.

  • “I stay for the children.”   

I recall a client who loathed his wife simply because she slurped soup from a spoon.  It was a reminder of the sloppy blowjobs of which he wasn’t the recipient.  She paid more attention to a worthless piece of utensil than she did his lonely love starved johnson.  But he couldn’t bring himself to leave.  The kid wasn’t the only reason.

  • “Filing for divorce in this state will deplete my life’s savings.”

Most likely he’ll lose sole custody and depending on which state the divorce was set in motion, he’ll lose plenty on alimony, child support, and jointly owned property will likely be awarded to the wife.  Factor in the cost a decent lawyer, heck, any lawyer, and we’re talking a lot of money here.  If you are on the other end of the spectrum and struggling to make ends meet—and you’ve been spending your discretionary income on women similar to me—prepare to have your wages garnished or worse, find yourself behind bars for your inability to pony up the precious pennies it takes to sustain a hungry mouth for eighteen years.  And, if you were caught spending your discretionary income on women similar to me, you may as well pack up and flee to another country before you’re due to arrive in court because you will pay in more ways than one.

Women can be unjustifiably obstinate when it comes to fairly measuring child support.  There are plenty of deadbeat dads out there who have basically bailed on their families, however, the ones who are willing or eager to step up to the plate are often held hostage by a bitter ex-wife’s anger and greed.  There is a difference between a bad husband and a bad father.  Should one be punished for the other?  I think not.  Then, how often can you reason with the average woman who is of an entitled mindset?  Being of the fairer sex I can’t tell you how often I’ve felt angry at a lover that I wanted to punish him by simply being unreasonable.  As a girlfriend once quipped, “What’s mine is mine, and what’s his is mine.”

  • “I love my wife but now we’re more like friends.”

Pretty much self-explanatory.  How does one arrive at the ridiculous notion that variety isn’t the spice of life? It really is like eating the same meal at the same time watching the same television program and sitting in the same place on the same piece of furniture.

  • “I love my wife but she lost interest in sex.”

Must I point out again that familiarity breeds contempt? 

  • “We want to have sex but she’s too tired.”

Basically, she lost’s interest in sex.  With him.  I know when I’m turned on by someone I will rank sex almost above anything else.  I would skip an hour’s lunch just to fuck, skip a night’s worth of studying just to fuck, and maybe even call in sick so I can laze in bed all day.  Just to fuck.

  • “Sex with my wife is boring” or “She won’t suck my dick.”

Dare I repeat myself?  Men can dream up a variety of excuses but what it boils down to is that innate need for strange.  And ladies, a little lip service pays off.

  • “I have great sex with my wife but I like to stray once in a while.”

At least he’s honest.

  • “I want more sex than she does.”

A client revealed—much to my amazement— his need to get off no less than three times a day seven times a week.  Greed is a quality I loathe.  What woman could possibly keep up with this maniac unless under the influence of drugs?

  • “I’m engaged.”

Ick.  While I’m not suppose to judge, I can’t help but pass judgement.  What fool commits without sowing his wild oats beforehand?  It’s like shooting the horse before it’s out of the gate.

  • “She won’t do anal.”

Neither will I.

  • “She’s having an affair with another man.”

Reasonable enough.  You have to feel sorry for these gentlemen for sometimes you can see the hurt in their eyes.  Otherwise, I’m unsympathetic.  Women generally screw around for emotional reasons.  Perhaps he needs to learn to pay attention.  Then, some women have whacky ways with which to gauge emotion.  I’ve seen my sisters go ballistic on boyfriends who were expected to read their minds and unfairly punished for not keeping in sync with their ever shifting moods. 

  • “I’m single and I want to have some fun with no strings attached.”

What it costs for me to entertain you on an hourly basis might seem exorbitant but it’s cheaper in the long run.  A date in my neck of the woods at a decent restaurant including the few glasses of wine it costs to inebriate and loosen her up; the bouquet of roses, the box of chocolates; and what of the after hours lounge where twenty bucks might buy you no more than a drink a piece?  Now multiply this date by two or three or maybe even four.  Congratulations if you scored.  You’ve spent an awful lot of effort to get down her pants.  Might I remind you that it might take twice the effort to shake her off?

  • Wartime fucking.

 I’ve had a handful of soldiers set to take off for Iraq or Afghanistan (and they never fail to ask for a discount) and Vietnam Vets reminisce about the night or two spent in the loving arms of an Asian beauty while their heads were nestled in mine.  They want to get their rocks off should they unexpectedly succumb to an untimely death.  Plain and simple.  It was necessary and possibly detrimental to their focus and concentration, if they couldn’t find a way to drain their balls.  A high ranking officer from the Pentagon whispered in my ear that if it wasn’t for women such as myself and those temporary stretches of wartime “Rest and Relaxation,” America would be doomed.  I imagine that shouldering the immense weight of duty eradicates the slightest inkling of guilt.

I’ve listed what I’ve observed as prime examples of why men seek out the services of paid companions.  Monogamy and the state of marriage as we know it simply does not work.  And, as you can see from the last example, sex does not fall exclusively under a want, it is also a bona fide need.

Advertisements